I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
