my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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