every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize