she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
