PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
