She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize