It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
