The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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