doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize
