so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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