i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
