Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
