Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
