Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
