Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
