so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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