I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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