4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I look better un-naked...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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