I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
pray to the hookup gods
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
