Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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