He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
