Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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