You're so nebulous sometimes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You may now shotgun with the bride
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
