I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
