you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
