i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
