well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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