You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
