my mouth tastes like poor choices
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
