We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize