Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
