2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
