theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
