I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
