ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
