I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
