dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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