You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
