i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
