Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
