We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
