Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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