$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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