I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
