I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
