You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
