Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
