just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
