Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
