just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
