seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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