K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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