when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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