i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
