Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
