It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
