i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
