my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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