That's intense
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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