I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize