the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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