Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
