Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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