SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
handjob tips. give me some.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
