No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
