Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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