just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
