i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
