He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
