She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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