I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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