I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
