oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
