i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
