question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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