You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
