well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
