This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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