Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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