So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
