Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
