I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
