we have officially lost it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize