Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
