She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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