you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
