kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
