Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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