Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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