some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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