My room smells like vodka and shame
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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