You can't special order awesome
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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